i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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