I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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