what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
pray to the hookup gods
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
