Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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