I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
