you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
