I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
