I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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