I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
