If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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