Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
