I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
