Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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