I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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