I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
