I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
