like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
