How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
