whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
