i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
