i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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