So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
