Don't you send me to vm
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
