Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
