So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
