wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
