Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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