I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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