Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
