When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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