i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
