Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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