can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
