just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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