I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize