i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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