Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
