No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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