I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
