pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
