I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
