I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
