my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
