If that was your dad, he is hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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