I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
