Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize