he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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