he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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