I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize