ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
