no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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