I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
