This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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