that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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