Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We left the knife in your bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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