sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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