Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
