the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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