sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
