So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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