I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
