I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
