First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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