guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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