everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
