the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize