you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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