Can Purell be used as lube?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
