i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
