But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
