I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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