ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
