WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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