At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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