I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
