Cold hands, warm shart.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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