It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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