You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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