Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
