I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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