When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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