I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
