You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
