I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
