It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
