I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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