the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
