You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His hands were made for my vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
