ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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