just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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