I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
