Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont even know how to be here
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
