I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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