were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
