farters have to be the big spoon...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Two words: blizzard sex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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