shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
