Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
