You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
