Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
