he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
