Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He better not be in your backpack
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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