I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
