Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
